Once again I cannot believe that the end of the month is near. March has been yet another roller coaster. One full of great excitement and one with great turmoil.
This month started off great. My sister and my niece had come to visit after not seeing them in 6 months. Brett had been offered a new job in Las Vegas, and we were getting excited with upcoming preparations. My younger brother and his cute wife had just given birth to their first baby on the 11th.
Things were going smooth... too smooth.
I had told Brett soon after he was offered the job, I said, " Life is going really good right now, something big is coming. I can feel it, hold on tight because something will and IS going to happen."
It was only a few days later.... It was Friday, Azure and I had just dropped Brett off at work, we were at the grocery store getting some last minute supplies for our weekend camping trip with some friends. When Brett had called me and told me to come pick him up right away. Initially I thought maybe Brett had been fired, but he didn't give me any details. Just said he had some bad news. As I frantically tried to leave the store without breaking down and freaking myself out about the possibilities, and as Azure was screaming and throwing her typical grocery store fit, I hurried and checked out with whatever items were in my cart and ran to my car.
I had had this feeling before, but I was trying to tell myself that it was going to be a small thing and that all was well. Then my phone rang... it was my Mom. I knew. The last time I had this feeling and saw my mom calling me, was when my Dad had passed away.
I answered frantically, asking her what was going on, I'm so confused whats happened?! She proceeded to tell me that my older brother had taken his own life.
The next few hours and days were nothing but a blur of raw emotion.
I picked Brett up from work collapsing in his arms the second I saw him. He took me home to find a flight to Utah. He asked if I wanted to just go with Azure, I told him I couldn't do it alone, I couldn't go through this AGAIN.
I couldn't seem to do anything for a couple hours but put groceries away. I was numb, confused and obviously upset. But that darn freezer needed organization, that was the only thing I could do. Azure was just as confused as I was, walking around saying "Mommy's sad". She even at one point was rubbing my back as I sat on the floor sobbing. Next thing I really recall is heading to the airport a few hours later, rushing trying to catch a flight that was on its last boarding call. Thankfully Azure was such a sweet girl that day. She enjoyed the flight and was a perfect little flyer in her seat.
Once we arrived at my moms late that night and was surrounded by her, step-dad, my sister and my youngest brother I felt like I could breathe.
The rest of the week involved many family members and friends calling and stopping by to give comfort.
It felt like 7 1/2 years ago when my dad died. Being so completely cried out that you have to literally turn your mind and feelings off just so you can get out of bed and put some clothes on. Thankfully my family keeps our sense of humors intact in stressful situations and that we were able to be more calm and collective having gone through this before. I love my siblings, we are all quite comical if I do say so myself. At times we could be all sobbing and hugging and the next instant we are laughing and making fun of each other.
I believe we can be this way in this kind of a situation because we have the hope, knowledge and understanding of God's will. We realize it and accept it, though it is tough and sometimes hard to understand. Especially in this instant of abusing free agency, we know that God's plan and his eternal salvation will mend our broken hearts and if we seek his counsel and his guidance the pain will be easier to bare knowing the Savior's arms are holding us all the while.
Though I have had many trials in my life I feel I have learned things along the way that I am meant to share. When I lost my Dad, at first I felt that my grief and tears meant I lacked Faith. But after some time, I came to understand that grief is a normal, a healthy response to loosing a loved one. Grief has helped me transform my love for others, my perspective in life's challenges and my faith in Heavenly Father.
As helpful as everyone is and wants to be in situations such as this there are somethings I feel people do without realizing that they are doing it. Know that I am not calling out anyone in any particular circumstance, these are just things I have realized and learned over the years.
To those who wish to help someone that has experienced something similar but doesn't know what to say:
- You can be most effective when you are sensitive to the unique situation. It's probably best to express your love and condolences to the grievers and avoid making statements about what they should do or how they should feel.
- Be very careful about placing a time limit on someone's grief. It's been 7 years since my Father's death and there are days that I still cry and wish he were still here. It's been 6 years since a good friend of mine took his life and I still have dreams about him of what I should have/could have done more for him. And I feel that with my brother it is going to take just as long if not longer to let go of the guilt I feel, that I should have been more patient and more understanding of his needs. Just know that everyone is different and everyone will handle death differently.
- Know that tears shed and a broken heart doesn't mean that the griever is depressed or inconsolable, but rather it suggests that they still miss the person they love.
- I have found that the most helpful conversations have been when people share their favorite memories of my Dad or my Brother with me; it is also helpful when they are willing to listen to my favorite memories.
- Conversations like these will often lead to tears, but that doesn't mean you have ruined the day, these interactions actually make the day. Conversations like these provide a chance to release the grievers feelings.
- Just being there, giving a hug is enough. If you have no words, then don't say a thing. Grievers are just appreciative of you acknowledging the fact. I appreciate my cousin Josi. When I lost my Dad, and now just last week; both times she literally ran to me and hugged me tighter than anyone could ever muster. That was all she needed to do to let me know her feelings and thoughts.
- That brings me to one very important thing to remember when a friend or someone you know is grieving... Do not act like nothing has happened. Do not avoid them because it might be awkward or uncomfortable for you. That just makes it worse for the griever, they know you know, that you know that they know... you know?! Like I said, a simple hug and I'm sorry is enough for them to know that you care and are there for them....A plate of cookies or dr. pepper sure does help too ;)
I cannot begin to imagine how hard it would be to loose a loved one in this life and not have the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost and not know that life IS eternal, that our families ARE forever and that through repentance and righteous living we can be reunited with our loved ones again.
I got a glimpse of this emptiness watching my sister-in-law grieve. It was painful and heart-wrenching to watch. She saw no hope, she saw no future in what is awaiting this life. I hope that one day soon, she will come to the knowledge of the gospel and find the peace and comfort that she needs to carry on and know that she will see Skyler again.
"Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause" (Jacob 3:1)
If you look up the definition of the word Faith you will find this:
FAITH NOUN 1. Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.
I have Faith in Jesus Christ that He stands ready with outstretched arms as He waits for us to come unto Him and be encircled in the arms of His love. I know that our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ outstretched their arms to Skyler and that they will never let him go. That the struggles Skyler faced in this life are now taken from him and the weight of the world is no longer on his shoulders, I have Faith that Skyler can now see God's perspective and his plan for him, and that he may accept the gospel and achieve Eternal Life.
I hope that through my families experiences and our trials that we may be an example of Faith to those around us. That we may “mourn with those that mourn” and “comfort those that stand in need of comfort."
Skyler Evan Parker
Born in Ogden, UT on Aug. 13, 1984
Departed on Mar. 15, 2013 and resided in Ogden, UT.
He was born August 13, 1984, in Hooper, Utah to Evan Parel and Tammy Reid Parker. Skyler grew up on the family farm and spent many hours along side his Dad working in the field and driving the tractor. He had a love for animals and loved his dog, Maggie, and his rabbits that he raised as a boy. Skyler had many talents. He loved to play the piano and practiced many hours to learn the song, "Bumble Boogie" , which he would play for the family all the time. He also loved John Schmidt music, his favorite being "All of Me". He learned to play the drums, which he was very good at and earned his own money in junior high to buy his own set of drums. It was his goal to be able to play many instruments and he had begun to learn to play the violin. Skyler was also an artist and loved to draw intricate details in his drawings. He was an honor student and an Eagle Scout.
Skyler had a very kind and tender heart. He had a genuine concern for people's feelings. His heart was literally broken when his father passed away.
Skyler attended Utah State University and Idaho State University. It was his dream to become a pharmacist. Skyler received his Pharmacy Tech certificate and had worked for the Smith's Pharmacy in Logan and for Walgreen's in Chubbbuck, Idaho.
Skyler married Tera VanDenBerghe on September 14, 2002. They were blessed with two beautiful children, Miriah and Moroni Evan. They later divorced.
Skyler married Shauntel Dagsen on March 23, 2012. He became the loving step-father to Shauntel's son Caiden and was blessed with his son Chanler Skyler.
Skyler leaves behind his sweet wife, Shauntel, his children, his mother-in-law, Nila Dagsen of Ogden, his step-father Chris and mother, Tammy Reid Parker Bell of Kaysville, sisters Sevana Hasty (Geoff), Hooper and Tiara Reeder (Brett) Fort Worth, Texas, brothers Landon Parker (Jessie) Logan, Utah, Tavan Parker, currently serving an LDS mission in Switzerland and Chance Parker, Kaysville. He also leaves behind his
grandmother, Luella Parker, his brother-in-law, Zane Dagsen, and 7 nieces and nephews, Ariana, Wyatt, Jocelyn, Sawyer, Isabel, Azure, and William and many aunts, uncles and cousins who love and will miss him.
Skyler was preceded in death by his loving Father, Evan Parel Parker, Grandfather Henry Lisle Parker and his Grandparents Donald H. and Beverly Allen Reid.
Funeral services will be held Friday, March 22, 2013 at 11:00 a.m. in the Hooper South LDS Chapel, 5601 S. 6100 W., Hooper, Utah with Bishop Kurt Foster conducting. Friends and family may greet the family at a viewing from 10:00 a.m. to 10:45 a.m. prior to the services. A viewing will also be held on Thursday evening from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. at Myers Mortuary, 5865 S. 1900 W. Roy, Utah.
Interment in the Hooper Cemetery.
The Viewing and Funeral went really well. Each of my siblings gave an amazing account of their memories of Skyler and what amazing qualities and talents he had. There was plenty of laughter, tears of sadness, and tears of joy shed. We were able to sing a musical number, the same one we sang at my dad's funeral, without breaking song (we got that out of our system the night before while practicing after the viewing); we sang I Know That My Redeemer Lives.
This is what I shared at the funeral:
Some of my very first memories from childhood included Skyler, him being my older brother. I was about 3 or 4 and we were swimming and playing in the mud in our backyard because it was flooded with irrigation water, which was a frequent thing, making our yard a muddy splash pad. But we loved to sink our feet into the mud until we were stuck and then the other one would pull the one stuck in the mud out. We also loved swinging on the swing set and skimming our feet over the water making a big wake under our feet. Skyler and I LOVED playing in the mud!
Another great early memory of Skyler was how much we loved riding our bikes around the corner to the wild mulberry tree in the summer, we would go crazy eating as many berries as we could. We looked forward to going to Grandmas on Sundays, we would ride our bikes and stop half way at our berry tree.
It was always an adventure going camping, the drive there was half the fun, with all us kids riding in the camper playing card games, eating treats and laying on the top bed watching out the window and steamrolling each other whenever we would go around a corner.
We loved it when our parents would be gone on a date, we would crank up the music "chumba-wamba" and we would dance, jam and play sports indoors.
I was always trying to keep up with Skyler when we were little, I wanted to be like him. He was the reason I loved playing boy things so much like legos and ninja turtles instead of barbis. He taught me how to do a front flip on the trampoline, He taught me how to hit like a boy and not like a girl. He taught me how to climb a tree, and to the top of a haystack, He taught me how to snowboard. Skyler also taught me how to get into trouble. Many times we set ourselves on fire and put holes in the walls by knocking down the deer head on the wall. Skyler was good big brother, who was always very protective of his baby sister, and I never really remember him complaining about me tagging along and copying his every move. Or maybe he did, and he just never complained in front of me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. That is the kind of brother he was.
Skyler never stopped learning, and he never stopped going. He was such a busybody all the time, but he would never rush a project either. He was always very meticulous, and thorough. He would work for hours on a project until it was perfect. He loved making his pinewood derby cars for scouts with my dad. He would sand his car for hours until it was as smooth as glass. He wanted every sliver off so that his car would not only be the fastest but also the best looking.
Skyler never outgrew his boyhood qualities. He always remained adventurous, protective, meticulous, talented, imaginative, thoughtful, artistic, and he always had a very tender heart.
I miss my brother, and I regret that over the last 3 years I was only able to see him once. But I am so grateful that through the atonement of Jesus Christ that I will be reunited with him again in heaven. It is because of His Atonement, all people will be resurrected, and those who obey His gospel will receive the gift of eternal life with God and that no matter how daunting the challenges in our lives or in the world are around us, we know we can have peace through the power of the infinite Atonement
In 1 Peter chapter 1 verses 3&7 it states: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant amercy hath bbegotten us again unto aclively dhope by the resurrection of eJesus Christ from the dead and that the atrial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the bappearing of Jesus Christ:
I truly believe that Skyler is now in the care of his Heavenly Father, his Earthly Father and his Savior Jesus Christ; and that with the atonement, love and mercy of all 3 that he will find the peace and the certainty he always longed to find.
Skyler always showed such endless amounts of love for everyone around him. He loved his little brothers so much, he loved his sisters, he loved his parents. Skyler loved his wife and wanted nothing more than to provide and care for her. Skyler loved his kids more than words can express. You could see it in his eyes when he looked at them, he would shine anytime he was around his beautiful kids. He loved them so much. I hope they know that and are able to carry that with them through their lives. Knowing that they had a Daddy that was filled with an overabundant amount of love!
I pray that our hearts may be filled with hope, and the light of Christ. That we may be able to heal and find comfort in knowing that there is life after death. And that we can see Skyler again.
Although our trials may be hard and the relief may not be immediate, we need to learn to allow God to carry our burdens, turning to Him regularly and seeking His enabling power.
